He lives! Yes, it's been many moons since I posted here. Life happens and the blog kinda fell by the wayside. I was laid off from Onvoy and got a job with Orange Business Services. Same role, (almost) same title, but Orange is a LOT bigger than Onvoy. Onvoy was restricted to companies operating within Minnesota, for the most part. Orange only deals with companies that have an international presence. This mean fewer, bigger customers. But luckily not much travel, as I only have responsibility for companies based in Minnesota.

Anyway, what brought me out of my semi-retirement from the Blogosphere is an e-mail draft that I found from years ago. I wrote this for a friend when he got married like 6 or 7 years ago. I'm not even sure if I ever even sent it. But I like what I wrote and I think it's fairly universally true (and not confidential or even personal). So here it is for your consideration....

***, I meant to do this at your wedding, but there wasn't a good time, and I think I might do a better job if I write it down anyway. You chose me to be a groomsman at your wedding. I was very honored. I also consider it my duty to support you and Becky in your wedding bliss in anyway that I can. It's in that spirit that I'm writing this note. I don't mean to imply that this is the key to maritial happiness, but I think that Seren and I have a good marriage, and this is what has worked for us (well, me in particular).

First of all, I have the impression that you are a Christian. I don't think we have ever really discussed it, but that is just the feeling I get. If not, this next part my seem a little strange. The Bible commands us (men) to love our wives as Christ loved the church and wives should submit to their husbands. When I first heard that, I thought it was unfair. Why should men get to be in charge? However, I have come to realize that being in charge isn't all its cracked up to be. Being in charge means being responible, doing the things that need to be done, not doing the things that shouldn't be done. It means sometimes saying no when you really want to say yes. It means making sure that there is a roof over your heads and food on the table. It means sacrificing for your wife and family the way Christ sacrificed himself for the Church. Really, it's an awesome responsibility. Men are wired to do this. And when the mantle of leadership is approached this way, I think that women are wired to respond.

This does not mean that the man does everything. I'm not saying the wife shouldn't balance the checkbook, or buy things, or make money. But in important decisions, the husband decides and the husband lives with the consquences. I think that even when the husband does not make the decision, he will still take on the responibility of a mistake, which only leads to a feeling of helplessness.

Philosophically, that is how I approach my marriage. Now, Seren feels the same way I do and that may be why it works, I don't know. But I think it works pretty well.

As for solid pieces of advice:
- Look at your wife often, at least once a week. When I say look at her, I don't mean just glance in her direction and note where she is. Stop what your doing and really look at her. Remind yourself that this beautiful woman is the one you have choosen to be with for the rest of your life. Find the beauty that you saw on your wedding day. Time and circumstance might distort the veiw, so take a minute or two to look for it.
- Compliment your wife whenever you can. Even if your world is falling apart, try to lift up her. In the end, you may well need her to scrape you up off the floor.
- Remember that your wife is human, with all the wonders and terrors that come along with that. Do everything that you can to understand her.
- Realize that your wife is not always rational. I'm not saying this as a joke. Women are the slaves of their emotions. The way around this is not to fight the emotion or try to agrue with it, or even try to convince the woman that she is emotional. Just be as loving and understanding as possible. Eventually she'll realize that the emotion is driving her and that she can trust you.
- Do not betray a woman's trust. It is alot harder to build than it is to maintain.
- If you ever do have problems ( and I'm sure you will :), seek help. I know Seren and I would be more than willing to listen. Sometimes just vocalizing the problem can bring things in to focus. Anytime, anywhere, just give us a call.

May Christ live in your marriage and keep it strong,
Chris