So for the last week I'm had this "feeling". It defies specific description. It feels to me like things are going bad. No one thing in particular, just things. Maybe all things. It's not quite dread, and it's not quite resignation. I've been thinking about it for several minutes now.

At first I thought it was like driving on slick ice, out of control and headed for a crash. But that's not quite it. First, there is no sense of panic, and while I do feel that it is unavoidable, I still believe I have some control, some part to play in it. Just that nothing I do can prevent it.

Kind of like a master chess game. When grandmasters play, there typically comes a point when the game is decided, but a casual observer can't see that one player is even in trouble. Both players know what will happen. Usually, the losing player will concede at that time. The way I feel now is kinda like I'm past that point when it's decided, but I haven't conceded (or can't).

I can actually trace it back to when it started. Trace it back to a single comment. Not a harsh or mean comment. Not said in ill will at all. But it shocked me and made me re-examine myself and most of what I do. I was hurt. Not by the comment itself, but by what the comment assumed. (For the record, the comment was not made by anyone reading this).

On the other hand, it's not all doom and gloom. It's more like a feeling like I haven't done my taxes, or my homework isn't done. Not life or death. It still important.