Peter or Judas?

So lately I have been thinking about heresy and salvation. I mean the concept of heresy, not heretical thoughts. The Bible tells us that when we accept Jesus, we receive eternal salvation. We receive atonement for all of our sins, past, present, and future. However, we are also warned about false prophets that can lead us astray and Paul himself worries about failing into false teaching.

This leads into the doctrine of election, which is one of those subjects that can be explained in a single sentence or two, but requires several lifetimes to fully understand. Simply put, it is the concept that God, and only God, through the person of the Holy Spirit, can inspire willful, rebellious man to accept the salvation of Jesus, and that this inspiration is irresistible. In other words, the Holy Spirit's movement is exclusively necessary and uniquely sufficient to cause a saving faith in Jesus Christ.

On the surfaces this seems logically tautalogical. "Those that end up in Heaven are the ones that God wanted there." Well, which came first; the will of God or the people in Heaven? Kinda like the comedian who slips on the banana peel, lands on his feet, and say that he meant to do that. On the other hand, a truly omnisecent being would have to know the end from the beginning.

But that is neither here nor there. I don't fully understand the doctrine of election, but I beleive that it is true, because it stated in the Bible several times. Because of this, every person is either ultimately saved or ultimately condemned and the only thing that can change is our perception of that reality.

Which brings me to my original question. Peter or Judas? Both betrayed Jesus. Jesus knew they both would. But one went on to kill himself, alone and condemned, and the other went on to found the Christian Church. Unfortunately, from our perspective, it's like a scratch-off game; no one this side of Heaven knows who anyone will pass that test.

So which is it going to be? Peter or Judas?

Binge Cleaning.

That is the term that I have coinned (although I doubt I'm the first) (Sure enough. Google counted 477 references to 'binge cleaning' in only .27 seconds.) to describe the hectic, desperate, stressful, and mad dash to clean the entire house (or at least large percentages of it) in a single day or weekend.

Now, let me preface the following by saying that I love my wife and I love my mother. And I do so for very, very different reasons. Whoever came up with that old saying about marrying someone just like mom didn't know what he was talking about. I was actually kinda happy that my mother didn't take to my wife right away. However, in this binge cleaning business they are alike. I don't know if other women are like this or if it's just a localized insanity. I do not understand why a person would put themselves under that kind of mental and physical stress. Ignorance, however, does not include innocence and I was morally required to assist my wife in any and all phases of this 'Blitz-sauber' (That's german of lightning cleaning).

This, of course, was in preparation for the advent of my wife's birthday. It was grand. The highlight, I think, was when all 20-odd people assembled sang a hale and hearty Happy Birthday to my wife. The low point, of course, was the Vikings loss to the Chiefs. Oh well. Probably make more sense to start watching college ball so I can speak intelligently about who the Vikings are going to draft with the third overall draft pick.

I have heard it said that good poetry comes from a depth of emotion. The deeper the emotion, in theory, the better the poetry. I don't know if that is accurate. Surely love and passion lend themselves to prose. Loss and tragedy do also. But I don't knoe that there is a genre in the annuls of great poetry for poems of pain. Pain is a very basic experience and typically doesn't require exposition. Sure, a poem can address to source of the pain, but that goes back to tragedy or loss. But the pain itself? Not so much.

O it hurts
Ow Ow Ow
Boy, i wish this pain would stop


The Void stalks me
It calls to me with promise of shelter
O blessed relief! To be free of this weight
That surely anchors me in this mire.
But I dare not surrender
The weight is heavy, but real
The mire is filthy, but it is where I stand
The Void has no bottom, no end in that fall
And yet it's siren song pulls at me
And so I lash myself to the mast
Like a splint I force myself still
Thus stiff, unmoving and unmovable, I stand

Hey, crep.

So yesterday, I'm walking across downtown Minneapolis, as I am wont to do, going from where one bus drops me off to where another bus picks me up. It's about 3 blocks. While I'm walking I see a woman with a big backpack on and carrying 2 grocery bags. See approaches a pickup truck that has stopped at a red light. At first I assume that she is being picked up by someone that she knew. Instead of opening the door, she knocks on the window and waves. The driver rolled the window down a inch or two and the woman asked for a ride just a couple of blocks because her bags were so heavy. I couldn't hear the drivers response, but I assume it was negative as this woman threw her arms up and said "Well, #%&% you, then". I felt sorry for this woman and felt that she needed someone to show that they cared. And since she was walking the same way I was, and only had a couple of blocks, I asked her if she'd like some help carrying her bags. She said "#%&% yeah". So we walked for a about three blocks (a block past my bus stop, but that's OK). The bags were full of groceries that she had gotten at a local food shelf. She told me her name and I told her mine. She asked me what I do. I told her that I was an IT sales engineer, which meant I went out with sales people and designed solutions for customers. Her response was that that must earn me a pretty penny. She then asked me if I was married. I told her that I was and that I had three children, all boys. She commented that I must be a good father. I dropped her groceries off at the front step of a low-rent downtown hotel and said good bye. I hope that I blesses this woman and made her life at least a little easier. As I was walking back to my bus stop, about a block away, I saw my bus pulling away. I thought, it doesn't matter, God will provide. Sure enough, by the time I had walked that block and reached my stop, another bus going to the same place was right there. I didn't have to wait at all. Wow, God is good. (And I mean that both ways; He is exceedingly competent and exceedingly righteous.)

Ahhh, football is in the air!!!

The nights are getting cooler. There is a hint of fall in the air. I know Indian Summer is just around the corner, but I don't mind. The NFL football season kicked off this weekend and the Vikings started in impressive fashion; 24-3 over the Vick-less Falcons. Life is good.

Today is going to be stream of consciouness, so return your seatback to it's full, upright position, consult a physician before you begin, and you must be this tall or accompanied by an adult to ride.

In regards to the 'rejuvenation' issue, I think I have a possible solution. The past several nights, or every other night really, I have gone to the club to work out. The first night I brought an iPod with Chris Tomlin and Out of the Grey. That was awesome. Second time, Seren and I went together and we went through the work-out she was assigned by her weight-loss class. That was pretty grueling. Third night (last night) I brought a radio and listen to the TV that was playing the Sunday night football game. That also was fun. I think the answer is working out. I had the misfortune of working out on the eliptical machine that was next to the mirrors last night. I really need to get in better shape. Ugh. I think I will feel better, in the short and long run, if I keep working out. The night (and I say night, rather than evening because I'm not going until about 10:00 or later) is working. I can't work out before work because we are stuck with one car, and so while Seren is working, I am on the bus. But that's OK. Gives me a chance to read. This morning I read Power Healing. I'm way behind. I'm only on page 90 of 250, and I need to have the book finished (along with the book of Mark) by Wednesday night for the PASS class. I'm saving Mark for last since I already know how it ends. Power Healing is a good book that is prompting me to do some serious soul-searching, but there was that barely visible line that I mentioned last time. PASS was moved to Wednesday because we are going to be particiapating in Alpha starting on Teusday. That should be real fun. Oh, which reminds me, since we bugged out of church yesterday after worship, I didn't get to hear Greg's first message as interim head pastor. I need to go to the website and check that out. So I will do that, and leave this stream of consciousness to babble queitly through the rocks in my head.

The smoldering husk that was my Links tab...

Teri Sue has deleted her blog, David hasn't updated his since early June, Paula's gone underground, and Chris Reeve's has been abandoned. I suppose I can't blame them. It's been over a month since I updated mine. It's not that I don't want to update it, but it seems that it's a combination of 3 things. First, there doesn't seem to be time. Two, there is a barely visible line between the things that I can announce in a public forum and the things that I can't/shouldn't and figuring out the difference that time and effort. And third, I'm not sure how I feel about most things at any one time. Bless my wife, though. At least she is keeping at it.

My wife asked me an unusual question this morning. She asked me what rejuvenates me. This comes from my feelings/comments to her yesterday. Last night I was feeling a little anxious. It was the end of a three-day weekend and I didn't feel ready to "take on the week". This morning my dear wife hypothisized that the things that I do when I "unwind", such as play PS2 or watch TV, do not actually rejuvenate me, which leads to feeling like I do. I can't say that she's wrong. But I don't know what the answer is.

So Friday night, while Mat and Charlie spent the night at the Lewis' house, Rand, Seren and I went to Barnes & Noble for the Harry Potter Release Party. Man, the place was a *ZOO*. We got there at 9:30 (the book could not go on sale until midnight). There was a drawing, and some HP word find puzzles, and several costume contests, but for the most party, the three of us just found a place to sit down (between the bookshelves as all the chairs were taken), and read books. Seren found the latest Evanovich book, Lean Mean Thirteen. Rand was reading the Knife of Dreams, I beleive. I picked up an interesting book titles Atlantis Raising. I read the first 4 chapters and I think I'd like to read more.

Anyway, we finally got the book at 1:15 in the morning. My dear, misguided wife told my son that he could read until he passed out. When I woke up at 8:00 the next morning to go to the Single Parent Oil Change at church, sure enough, he was passed out. That afternoon, we went to Martha's wedding, with Rand (and his book) in tow. It was a nice wedding, BTW, but I had allergies and took some Benadryl and Alleve which almost knocked me unconscious. I ended up leaving early and falling asleep in the van. But, even will all of that, Rand finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows by 6:30 Saturday evening, about 17 hours after we got the book. And it is 784 pages. Yeah, the term 'voracious reader' comes to mind. Now Mat and I both have bookmarks in it, and Seren is waiting in line. I should finish it tonight. It is a very good book so far (I have about 100+ pages left) and seems to be a very good end to the series.

Let's see, what else is new... We had Teri Sue, Jason, his three kids, and his parents over for lunch on Sunday. With David and his two kids, it made for a rather busy house. Jason's mother is an interesting character; an older charasmatic. I always thought that was an oxymoron, like black republican or conservative democrat. It was alot of fun having everyone over. There is something nice about having a large group come over and just talking.

It brings to mind my last birthday party. I remember distinctly sitting back and looking at the people all around our dining room table, everyone talking together and having a good time. I really enjoyed that night, and I feel great love and a strong kinship with every person that was there. I mourn what I have lost since then. I wish I could go back to that night. Even just to experience it again. Oh oh, I'm starting to sound like CoCo the Talking Guitar. Calculated Existential Angst. Thankfully, I can't keep a serious thought going for long.

I passed the Cisco QoS test yesterday. One down, 7 to go. Actually the magic number is now 2. That's how many tests my company is waiting on me to pass. It's come down to a race; Can I pass these two tests before Craig passes his MCSE? I'm not worried, the company need to send Craig to a bootcamp.

As for me, I am beat tired. Exhusted mentally, physically and spiritually. PASS class was good last night. I felt the presence and work of the Holy Spirirt to a degree that I have not in a long time. When I got home, I resolved to get to bed early tonight. Too many nights of burning the midnight oil study have caught up to me. However, just I was ready to roll over and drift off to lala land, Seren gets a call from our neighbors. They were having a maritial crisis. So Seren and I went to their house and talked to them, individually, then together for a couple of hours. All I can say is 'Ago Ministro'. At times like that, that becomes like a mantra to me. "I serve". I'm just glad that I don't have to rely on my own strength or my own wisdom to do these things.

Speaking of serving, tonight is the "18-mealer". Boy, I don't like that play on words. But the only alternative I can think of is MEFFGA (Massively Enormous Free Food Give Away). And that has *no* gravitas. Anyway, regardless of what it is called, it should prove to be a good time. At least it has in the past.

So this morning during worship (which, BTW, was lead by Mike and Jen Wall, after a 2 year hiatus), I was struck with an analogy. I saw the Holy Spirit as a conductor of a vast orchestra. We are the instruments. God writes the music. The Spirit calls some of us to rise our voices in worship and calls others to bow our heads in prayer. Through the good times and the bad, the Spirit leads us to follow God's music the way it was meant to be played, in every way bringing glory to Him.

It was really good to have Mike and Jennifer leading worship again. It was great worship.

On a more familial note, Rand and Mat asked us today if they saved up $150, if we would give them $50, so they could buy a second trampoline. Of course we said no. One trampoline takes up enough yard space, thank you. 15 minutes later, Matrim comes in and askes if he can save up and buy the right to save up and buy a trampoline. Oh, man. This kid is gonna be a lawyer.

Wow, has it really been three weeks since I posted?!? So what's been going on... hmm. Let's start with lessons learned:

1) I'm glad I don't live in Iowa, but in Minnesota, where people realize that Premuim Gasoline should cost more than regular.

2) Divorce sucks.

3) Valley Fair is best in small doses.

4) Transformers is a fun movie, but not life-changing.

5) Saw preview of I am Legend movie coming out this Christmas. I hope I do not learn a single thing else about that movie until I see it opening night.

6) Series finale of SG-1 would have made a good episode, but sucked as the finale.

7) God is good, all the time.

8) Summer is hot and air-conditioning is good.

9) Did I mention divorce sucks? I think God hates it for a reason.

10) I can make 800+ sno-cones in 2 hours. Recall Taste of Heaven 2007 for details.

That is all. For now...

Due to lack of interest, 2008 Presidential Campaign has been cancelled

Fox Network replaces long-running election series with additional season of American Idol

Emotional crew strikes set for the last time.

"Existing presidential canidates are welcome to audition," says network execs.

"Only one generation..."

So, yesterday in church, John was praying for fathers. While he was praying I got the message, "Only one generation." This is something I think I have heard from other sources. It is the idea that people tend to perpetuate the family environement that they grew up in. People who grew up in abusive situations seem to have abusive families as adults. Because of that, however, it only takes one generation to break that cycle and create a new family tradition. So one generation can re-write our entire society and culture.

On the other hand, just as negative effects are carried forward, so are positive. And that same generation that can eliminate the bad things can also remove the good things.

So, in the wake of this Father's Day Weekend, I will pray for families everywhere. In particular for parents. That they will have wisdom to raise up a generation that can break the cycles of mental and physical abusive.

Would you recommend a movie you had not seen, or a restaurant that you had never been to? And if someone gave you a recommendation without trying it first, how much would that recommendation be worth?

This has been brought to my mind because of 2 things I have heard in the past week, from two different Vineyard pastors. The first was our own Chris Reeves. He commented that if the Vineyard model was working like it should, we would see dozens of people coming forward for prayer every week.

The second was from Columbus Vineyard Paster Rich Nathan. I have been listening to him online for the past few weeks and I really enjoy his sermons. Allow me to paraphrase... "The people out there, the people who don't know Jesus, no longer care about the truth of Christianity or the facts of Jesus' life and death on the cross. They don't want a reasoned, logic debate about the existence of God, or a treatise about sin and redemption. What they want to know is, do you know a power that can free me from enslavement to the filth of this world, that can give me purpose, significance, peace, and if you know that power, I will follow that power."

So, I come back to that original line of questioning... Have we as Christians experienced the freedom, and do we continue to experience the freedom, from the fear, the pain, the degradation, the hatred of this world? Not that we do not experience those things, but that they do not rule over us. That we continue go to the Power that is greater than these powers, and find freedom. And if we have not, if we do not, why would anyone ever listen to us when we tell them about Jesus.

So just about my entire family is reading a series of science fiction books about a character named Honor Harrington. This is a very good series.

Anyway, in this series, 2 large star nations are at war. One of this nations has a number of allies. This same nation also has a significant technological advantage over their enemy. Over the course of the series, one of this nation's allies switches sides. The reasons for this are varied, but the result is that the enemy nation gets access to much of the advanced technology. Many of our hero nations secrets are given away.

It has only recently occurred to me how devestating something like that could be on a personal level. I have private areas of my life that I keep hidden from almost everyone. I say almost because there is one person with whom I share everything. If that person were to betray me, were to want to hurt me or humiliate me, that person would have more than ample ammunition. It comes down to a matter of trust. Thankfully, I trust this person implicitly.

I am reminded of a quote I heard many years ago, and I cannot remember who said it. It went something like this...

"If all the people of the world came together and made one giant heap of all their troubles, from which each would take an equal share, most people would be content to take their own troubles and go home."

When I first read that, it made no sense to me at all. Then I understood it to mean that most people have less than their "equal share" of trouble. However, a new meaning is dawning on me. I think some people have a certain amount of ... pride? in their troubles. An attitude that says "They may be troubles, but their are *my* troubles". It leads to a line from a BNL song.

"Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves Of all these demons haunting us To keep us company?"

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, but there are definitely times when I feel like a real dope.

I have a head for numbers. I can memorize words fairly well. I can pick out faces pretty well, also. What I apperently cannot do, however, is remember a name to save my life. No, I take that back. I'm even pretty good at remebering the names of actors and other celebrities. It's remembering the name of people that I meet that confounds me. I think that is what impresses me most about our head pastor. Once he hears a name, it seems, it is enblazened in his memory and he can greet people by name that he has only met once.

Two cases spring to mind. Yesterday we went on a prayer walk after church. One of the people in our group is someone that I see almost every week. Whenever I pass him, I nod my head and say hi. But I cannot remember his name. I couldn't when I 'introduced' myself yesterday, and I can't today, only slightly more than 24 hours later, even after mentally noting to *remember* his name.

Second, I need to get VPN access from work so I can work from home. I filled out the form and my manager told me to give it to Chris. Now, I think Chris is the PC Tech that I see wondering about, but I don't know. This is a guy that I see a couple times a week. We have had conversations. Entire diagaloues. And yet, I am not sure whaty his name is.

Don't get me wrong. It is not that I don't care about these people. I do. I just cannot seem to write the name down in my little mental notebook. I can remember where I've seen them. I can recall what they do. I can even remeeber if they are a Lost fan or prefer Grey's Anatomy. But the name continues to elude me.

I'm sorry, what was you're name again?

Just a quick update...

If I were a string, and someone were to pluck me, I would resonsant at a frequency that only dogs can hear.

That is all.

Actually, that is not all. It has occurred to me that a taut string is not a good analogy for my life right now. You see, a string is only pulled in *two* directions.

THAT is all.

A word about profanity...

I am not, contray to what some may think, entirely opposed to cursing/swear words/ profanity/etc. This may be suprising to some because several people that I know quite well have probably never heard me swear. To me, these words are the last resort. They are words to be used only when no other word can express the urgency or volitility of a situation. They are the atomic weapons of verbal discourse. Therefore, if you ever hear me use a curse word, please know that something of significant import has happened, is happening, or will happen very soon.

This is also why I abide cursing in movie that I watch. Movie usually involve extreme circumstances; circumstances in which swaering is altogether appropriate. Movies also often include people punching, kicking, or shooting each other. Like swearing, these activities may be appropriate in the situation portrayed in a movie, but not in real life.

So the other day I'm standing in line with my 9-year-old at a family restaurant and the person ahead of us has a shirt on that contains a profane word. What's worse is that this man was holding a baby! Oh, pity the child. Sure enough, my son notices the shirt and whispers in my ear "That man is wearing a shirt that says the f-word." I didn't know what to say. I just said that "Some people are stupid." Perhaps not the best choice, but it was true enough. I came oh so close to tapping the man on the shoulder and saying very politely, "Excuse me, but my 9 year old son was wondering why your shirt has those words on it and I don't have an answer for him. Could you explain it to him?" I would have, too, if I were sure that this person had A) at least half of a functioning brain and B) a shred of human decency. But based on his choice of shirt, I could not be even reasonable certain of either of those things.

It's gonna be a hard night's day.

So I have come to the considered opinion that this world, in general, sucks. Sure, some of the people in this world are tolerable. Some are even pleasant to be around. But the world itself is lousy.

So, God, what ever it is you have planned, I'm ready for it. And, please not another flood. That wasn't a permenant solution last time anyway. I'm talking about smashing this place apart peice by piece and starting over. New Heaven, New Earth, and all that jazz.

Now I am not one to blindly repost others' work. However, this is so homurous that I cannot resist.

A note on the author... You may notice that for for quite a while I have had a link to James Lileks' web site on my links. This past week, there was a significant shakeup at the Star Tribune and Mr. Lileks, who for years has written an excellent column for that paper, found himself re-assigned. Now, in the past when I see a copy of the Star Tribune, I look for exactly 4 things, in this order; James Lileks' column (recent called the Quirk, but I prefer the former and longer Backfence format), Dilbert, Isaac Asimov's Super Quiz, and anything in the Sports section about the Vikings. Now I will only have 3 things to look for in the Strib.

While the Quirk has been fun, Mr. Lileks' blog, the Bleat, is better. There are very few blogs that I would consider paying money to read. So, check it out. I understand that it may not be everybody's cup of java, but I really enjoy him. Besides, his picture reminds me of Jeff Berletic. See now everyone will run off to Lileks' site just to see what I'm talking about :)

OK, so maybe that was more than a "note". I was going to copy the best part of the blog entry that inspired this, but, rather than waste precious electrons, I will just post a permalink to said blog. Please read the description of the Immigration Bill.

I aspire to write half as well as Lileks. It's odd. On one hand, I think people who write this well should be richly rewarded for their skill. On the other hand, content this good should be availabel to everyone.

So, our own Giving Tree has moved beyond given us leaves and twigs to giving us whole branches.

You see, when we moved into our house in Apple Valley, we found, whaddya know, an apple tree in the backyard. Rumor had it that all the houses in this development has an apple tree planted in the backyard. Could be true; All the street names are apple vareties. However, all was not well with Mr. Apple Tree. The tree was splitting down the middle into 4 parts, and there were large areas of dead branches in the tree.

The first summer we lived here, the tree gave us apples. Hundreds of little, gnarled apples, rotting all over the yard. The second summer, there were no apples. Only twigs all over the yard. Compared to the apples, the twigs were a blessing. However, this summer, our third in this house, it seems the tree is upping the ante. My dear wife noticed that one of the four sections seemed to have shifted. I walk over, grab a branch out near the end and pull it gently toward the house (away from the nice fence that it was suspended over). Not 3 steps into my stroll did we hear a loud crack and one of the four sections (the smallest of the four) snapped off.

Which meant that my son and I got to spend the next hour and a half breaking down the large branch into small, ready-for-the-fire-ring bits. Is it wrong to burn wood from a tree that is still standing, in sight of the tree? Perhaps it will be motivation to heal up; "See? This is what happens to trees that fall down in these parts."

As for the rest of the tree, it'll come down eventually. We may even get a chainsaw and go all Friday-the-13th on it, but that requires work. And a chainsaw. And possibly a tourniquet.

I do, however, what to take a chunk out of each remaining trunk when they do come down and whittle a little canoe for each of my three boys. Just a little reminder of their own little Giving Tree.

OK, time for Salvation Theology 201.

First a refresher from Salvation Theology 101: God calls us to Holiness. His covenent requires that we abide by His laws. Failure to abide by His laws results in death and eternal seperation from His presence. However, "all have sinned and fallen away from God". Therefore, we are all subject to the consequences of sin; Eternal seperation from the God (i.e. Hell). God is holy, and God is good, and God is just. Therefore, He cannot just waive the requirements on us in this convenant, but He can, and has, provided a substitute. Jesus came to us, lived a sinless life (and in doing so, did not incur the blood debt that each of us owe from our sin), and yet, still paid the price that the convenant demands of us. Jesus paid a debt He did not owe for me, who had a debt that I could not pay.

But here are my questions... How is it possible for one man to pay the debt of billions? It's relativily easy to see how Jesus paid for *my* sins, but how could one life pay for all sins for all people? Wouldn't the sacrificial calculus be one sinless life in exchange for one life marred by sin?

Secondly, how does the resurrection figure into this? I have heard others say that the resurrection is proof that Jesus has broken the power of sin over us. But that doesn't fit into the sacrificial nature of the exchange. If a death and resurrection is sufficient to satisfy the requirements of the convenant, would not *my* death, followed by a resurrection, be sufficient for my sinful life?

Now, I know, based on my faith, that Jesus' death has enough for all, and that my death apart from Jesus, even with a resurrection is not sufficient. But these are the "I wonder how that works" questions that occur to me. I am perfectly willing to accept that these questions are unknowable to us, but known to God. But if there are answers to these questions that God has given to us, or that the Spirit will enable us to work out, I for one would like to explore them.

Any ideas out there?

Gotta post about this while it's fresh. Simple, commonplace event that reflects a larger truth.

OK, 11:30 PM, Friday night. I'm at the grocery store getting Ben and Jerry's for me and the wife. (I wish I could say it was all Seren's fault, but she only mentioned B&J, I then pushed her into it.) (Also, I should note that when I was 15, my sweet tooth was knocked out in a bicycle accident... Unfortunately, it was replaced with a bionic sweet tooth.)

Anyway, I walk in. It's late and there is only one checkout person. Fair enough. I note that the person currently being rung up only has a few items, but the woman next in line has a *full* cart. UGH. Now, I'm not shy about asking if I can jump ahead of a person with a very large number of items if I only have 2 or 3. However, I knew that I would not be able to run back to the frozen section, make my selection, and be back before that woman's items started to be rung up. C'est la vie. So, I proceed to collect my 2 cartons of "the good stuff" and return to the check-out aisle. Sure enough, that LCW (large-cart-woman) is in the early stages of ringing up. Meanwhile, a woman with 3-4 items is standing behind her. Let us refer to her as 3IG (3 item girl, although to be fair, she was probably as old as I am). So, I'm behind LCW and 3IG in line. While LCW is being rung up, 2 more people with no more than 6 items get in line behind me. Then LCW2 arrives. This woman is the subject of our post today. She also had a *full* cart of food. Well, with the vertible calvacade of customers, the checkout woman does what any sensible person would do; She called for help. A scant few minutes later, Ed arrives and opens the checkout lane 3 lanes down. As soon as I hone in on which aisle he is opening, I suggest to 3IG that she move over to it. It would probably have been reasonable to take the pole positon myself, but that wouldn't be fair. Anyway, I knew the checkout woman in the aisle that I was in. She is about as professional a checkout person as you are like to find working late shift in a suburban grocery store, and I was confident that she would wrap up the order quickly.

Anyway, 3IG makes her way over to the newly opened aisle, but LCW2 is quicker. She lurches afore mentioned large cart, cuts off 3IG, and is waiting in front of "Ed" the instance he flips on the light for Checkout Lane 7. The person directly behind me mutters, "Unbeleivable". Whcih suprised me. Only because all three people behind me in line were asian, and I was under the impression that they were all somehow related. This did not turn out to be the case.

Luckily for 3IG, LCW2 seems to be married to a man who is accustomed to living in a civilized society and points out that 3IG, and her 3-4 items should probably go first. This invitation did not extend, however, to the 3 other people who stood there, small number of items in hand. As I said before, C'est la vie.

So, that bigger truth I mentioned before. This did not spring, I think, from a Me First mentality. I think this was simply Me Only. Perhaps it's the optimist in me, but I don't think LCW2 wanted to exclude or jump ahead of anyone. She just wanted to get her things done as quickly as possible. But the source of this attitude is the same; "The world isn't go to look out for me, so it's up to me to do it". The world... actually, it's more appropriate to say the people in the world... teaches each and every one of us that we need to take care of outselves, and concern for others is far too rarely rewarded. This isn't right, but I don't have an answer. Well, other than God. But He's such an easy answer that it feels like cheating to always say "Well... God." But for this, that's all I have.

So it's been a while. As I was telling Seren the other day, I feel shallow, but I think it has more to do with the water level being low than any change to the ocean floor.

However, I saw something today that I needed to comment on. It was a poster at the middle school. It's a case of accidental profundity. The poster said in big bold letters "Everyday is a gift".

Now I assume that the writer meant to communicate that every day is a gift. But I realized, as I thought about it, that the missing space does change the meaning, but the unintended meaning is still true. Everyday is a gift. The commonplace, the expected, the simple, the relied-upon-but-rarely-appreciated is a gift. Every day brings hope, a chance for a new beginning, an oppurtunity to do it right, whatever 'it' might be. Everyday, on the other hand, is the food on the table, the roof overhead, the love and support of family and friends. And it's the everyday that allows every day to have so many possibilities.

Dying to self vs dying to others

This past week has been... interesting. Interesting in the ancient Chinese curse sense of the world. (Although, according to the great and mighty Wikipedia, that particular Chinese curse could well be western in origin and far from ancient.)

The text for today's post comes from the 22nd chapter of Matthew, begining in verse 37. "Jesus replied. 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. 'Love your neighbor as yourself'. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

All of the Law is based on those two commandments. The first one, while difficult in implementation, is very simple in concept. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God." The second one, however...

Who is your "neighbor"? I assume that includes everyone. All people. But it doesn't say love some more than others. In fact, Jesus points out that those who love their friends and hate their enemies are no better than the tax collectors. It is only a matter of degree, then, to say that it is wrong to love their friends and love their enemies less. Perhaps 'wrong' is not exact... God's will is that we love everyone equally. As we love ourselves, to be exact. But that brings up another point of contention; What if we don't particularly like ourselves? And Jesus said that anyone who followed him would have to "deny himself". If 'Love of Self' should equal 'Love of Others', and 'Love of Self' must die for the Cross, then should not 'Love of Others' do the same? But then, that just points to the supremacy of 'Love the Lord your God' and the subordination of 'Love your neighbor'.

My point is this. Is it required that a Christian sacrifice himself for another? We are called to subordinate ourselves to God, to the Cross, and to the pull of the Holy Spirit. We are not required to subordinate ourselves to each other. Let me clarify: If God calls me to sacrifice all that I have, then I am obligated to comply. However, if another person calls me to give him all that I have, I do not have to comply. We are called to love them as we love ourselves. Which can be interpreted many ways. I would say that we provide for our own needs, from what God has provided for us, and then provide for others whose needs have not been met. This means that there will come certain times when God provides only what we need, usually to focus our attention on our reliance upon him.

On the other hand, there is a blessing in given out of our need, in sacrificing ourselves in someway. Jesus gave an example of being a servant, and John tells us that laying down our lives for a friend is the greatest love one can have for another. There are also times when God calls some specifically to sacrifice something for others.

There are applications of this that I will hopefully get into at another time.

So a friend of mine was put into a horrible, horrible situation today. A nightmare scenario. No one should be puit in that place. She was faced with 2 bad choices. But she, amazingly, went God's way, option 3. It was a wholely earthly problem. But she choose to face it as a chance to further God's Knigdom. She still was hurt, badly. Perhaps not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Although I can only assume these things; God's healing has no earthly bounds.

But my point is, her faithfulness astounds me. I am totally impressed, and a little jealous. Because I know that grace didn't come from within her. That was a gift of the Holy Spirit in her time of need. Wow, God is good. I find it amazing that after a day like today, God can still bring my soul to praise Him. Amazing Grace.

Word picture for the day: Yesterday during the service, I imagined a metaphor for the love of God vs the love of people. I pictured a person blowing against a sail vs the wind. First of all, the person blow cannot generate anything close to enough volume to make a differnce. Secondly, the breath of that person may be smelly and probably contains germs, because it's coming from a place inside that is none-too-clean. On the other hand, the fresh breeze can move the largest ships, and is free of bad breath or (most) germs.

Just an idle thought.

And for another thought... I saw a bus ad for the Sierra Club's Day of Action, which is a rally at the Capital for the environment. The thought that occurred to me is how much fossil feul is going to be burned to bring those people together. Wouldn't a Day of Inaction be better; a day to promote telecommuting. However, there probably won't be that big an impact, because I would be suprised if they get 1000 people together for that rally.

Ah, Friday night. How can I have waited so long to comment on Friday night?

Friday night we had an evening of worship at the church that included a time set aside for receiving prophetic word. It was a really awesome time. The Christlife group took part in the prophetic and I know several people were very encouraged by the word received and shared. I don't know how it was received from the majority of those in attendance, but from where I was, it was really cool.

Afterward I had a specific word for an individual who was there. I didn't think it was appropriate to be shared in a public forum, because it could be considered corrective. So as we were dispersing, I approached this individual. At the same time, someone else stopped this person with a word to share and the messages that we had shared were very similiar; they ammounted to "stop running" and "rest". That was pretty powerful.

So for the last week I'm had this "feeling". It defies specific description. It feels to me like things are going bad. No one thing in particular, just things. Maybe all things. It's not quite dread, and it's not quite resignation. I've been thinking about it for several minutes now.

At first I thought it was like driving on slick ice, out of control and headed for a crash. But that's not quite it. First, there is no sense of panic, and while I do feel that it is unavoidable, I still believe I have some control, some part to play in it. Just that nothing I do can prevent it.

Kind of like a master chess game. When grandmasters play, there typically comes a point when the game is decided, but a casual observer can't see that one player is even in trouble. Both players know what will happen. Usually, the losing player will concede at that time. The way I feel now is kinda like I'm past that point when it's decided, but I haven't conceded (or can't).

I can actually trace it back to when it started. Trace it back to a single comment. Not a harsh or mean comment. Not said in ill will at all. But it shocked me and made me re-examine myself and most of what I do. I was hurt. Not by the comment itself, but by what the comment assumed. (For the record, the comment was not made by anyone reading this).

On the other hand, it's not all doom and gloom. It's more like a feeling like I haven't done my taxes, or my homework isn't done. Not life or death. It still important.

So I'm listening to a Rich Nathan Sermon and he mentions that safe sex isn't necessarily safe. He said that covering yourself in latex isn't a failsafe method of preventing the transmission of disease. What occurred to me is that there isn't yet a latex that can cover the heart and mind. The dangers of spiritual and emotional damage in extra-marital affairs are much greater than the fears of disease or unwanted pregnancy.

OK, segue into something completely different. I read other people's blogs, and they relate what's going on in there lives or observations about the weather or hopes and dreams for the future. I, on the other hand, (Why do I *always* wind up on the other hand?), delve into matters philosophic and spiritual, with a variable degree of insight. Is this alright? Do I bear to much of myself to the public?

So, last week I had lunch with our pastor at church. He recommended a couple of books to me, and even lent me his copies. Both are specific to the Vineyard moevment. The first is a biography of John Wimber, subtitled The Way It Was, and written by his wife after his death. I have to admit that I was quite apprehensive of this book. I didn't know much of John Wimber before I started the book. I know that he was a prefessional musician before joining the ministry, and that he was associated with the Righteous Brothers. I have heard that he was a very charismatic man (by that I mean possessiong a personal charisma, not a reference to charismatics) and that he lead the Vineyard Movement (some would say "was" the Vineyard movement) for many years.

Now, normal, this would set off warning bells in my head. If the defining characteristic of a church or group of churches is the personality of a charismatic leader, that church has a very unstable basis. Man is inheirently fallible. However, Wimber died 10 years ago, and the Vineyard is still here. Still, a biography of the man can feel to me like raising an idol.

So that was in the back of my mind as I started reading this book. My initial reaction is that no wife should write a biography of her husband; it is impossible to expect her to be impartial. In some ways it felt like a protestant canonization of the man. However, as I continued on, my impression changed. Instead of seeing a book raising this man up onto a pedestal, it appears to me to be more of a "lessons learned" resource and a history of how the Vineyard became the Vineyard. I have seeing things that Wimber did early on that are good ideas and things that I want to incorperate in our own practices. The first to jump out at me were a set of ground rules that a leadership small group set up. These seem to be pretty good, and something I'd like to include, in one way or another, in our own small group this summer. Here is an excerpt for the book:

One: No prayer requests for anyone else but yourself; you are here for you, not for someone else. Two: we are going to sing to God, not about him, and we are going to learn to worship, whatever that means. Three: different ones will share and no one will monopolize. Four: No bringing up church problems and no church criticism. Five: Let's leave our places and positions and trophies and badges at the door, and all come together on equal ground while God teaches us about himself.

Carol Wimber follows this up by saying that God cannot not show up. Now I'm of the opinion that that God can do whatever he wants to. However, I think the environment that these rules create is one in which God wants to show up. And that's always a good thing.

Saw 300 for a second time last night at the Imax. Wow! The term "pure adrenelin" is over used when describing movies, and actually doesn't apply here. This movie was 100% adrenelin and 100% testosterone. Yeah, that's rtight; that's 200%. There is that much movie.

Running update: As many people now know, I am running on a regular basis. It is my goal to run almost daily. I think I will give myself some flexibility by saying that I can take 2 nights a week off due to circumstance. I say "nights" because that is when I run; anytime between 10:00 PM and 1:00 AM. Also, I am alternating between running 1 mile and running 2 miles. I bought a stopwatch so I can pace myself. So far, I'm running the mile in about 8:00 and intentionally slowing down to about 10 minutes/mile when I run 2 miles.

I post this now in the hopes that in a year, I can look back on it and think "8 minute miles? I eat 8 minute miles for breakfast now." Of course, with my luck, I'll probably look back on it and think "What was I doing to my knees!!!"

So, my grand scheme, once I finished my audiobook while running, was to subscribe to the Renewing you Mind podcast (by RC Sproul) and listen to that while running. It made perfect sense, because to miss a day running would mean missing a broadcast, so there would be additional motivation to run daily. However, I have come to find that while there is, in deed, and Renewing your Mind podcast, it is not, like the radio broadcast, daily. Instead it is weekly. And worse, it is merely the Friday edition of the daily broadcast. Therefore, it only plays 1 out of every 5 programs in each series. Now, all of these daily broadcast can be heard streaming from the web, but that doesn't help me while running outside.

Therefore, I need to find another source of daily podcasts. If anyone has any ideas, I am open to suggestion.

One-Armed Wampa: The Lost Episode

So... Almost a week after forgetting what I had thought of in church, it came back to me. It wasn't a breakthrough in Cheese/Pasta technology as some people have hoped. It was, in fact, merely an interesting definition of a fairly common term. Here it's entirity ('cuz I'm writing it now) is that nascent post. WARNING: The following is post is rated Double Black Diamond in terms of Geek Content, but only a Blue Square for Technobabel.

Abstraction is a term that has been occupying my idle processor cycles for a while now. It occurred to me that there is not a single person, ever, who, if stranded on an island, but with unlimited natural resources, could build even a simple digital computer. There are people how can write applications by themselves. There are people who can write entire operating systems from scratch. There people how can assemble computers. Others can design processors. Others can build them. Some rare individuals can even do two or these things. But no one, anywhere, can do it all. And that doesn't even mention extracting the raw materials, refining them, and processing them into a usable format. Or generating the electricity, etc. etc. etc.

"So alot of people have to work together to build a computer. What's the big deal?" The big deal is that these people don't work together. Certainly not directly. And they don't have to. Each step of the process has a "finished product" that is handed off to the next level. For example, copper ore is processed and shaped into a long roll of copper wire. The processor and component manufactures don't need to worry about copper ore or how to extract copper; All they are concerned with is the properties of the copper that they are given. Taking that several steps up the ladder, the operating system programmers don't need to know how the processor is designed or manufactured. They just need to know what machine commands the processor is designed to respond to. Therefore, each step produces a "balck box", whose inner workings are not revelant to higher order processes. Each Black Box has a function, a set of acceptable inputs, and cooresponding outputs, and these are all that is important about them.

The reason this came to mind is that I am reading a book (actaully listening; see Snowcrash on my What I'm Reading list) that has a lot to do with hacking. The thought occurred to me "What is hacking?" What would the definition be. There was a time when I would have said that hacking is just using something in a way that it was not designed for. But that is simultaneously too broad and inaccurate. For example, I would not call it hacking to use a screw driver as a door stop. On the other hand, overclocking a processor to make it faster would definitely be hacking, but doesn't effect how it's used.

So, while on this search for a more precise definition of Hacking, the whole concept of abstraction came up. Combining the two, the answer is simple (and you, gentle reader, are probably 2 steps ahead of me already). Hacking is merely the practice of breaking into that lower-level Black Box and modifying it to suit your personal upper-level process needs or desires. It is, in essences, changing the rules of the game.

One thing that I will note: Yesterday was the best weather of the year so far. Sunny and warm with snowcover. I sat at the dining room table with the laptop, reading blogs and looking out the window. I look forward to sitting outside this summer on a hot afternoon with a cool drink and share various parts of my inner soul with whatever members of the world care to take notice.

So, yesterday in Church something occurred to me. It was some brillant realization or observation on the human condition. I considering telling my wife about it, but I thought "No, we're here in church, besides, I'll save it for my blog."

Well, here I am, and I've completely lost it. Whatever it was. I do know that it was sheer genius. Perhaps it was the cure for cancer. Or a plan to bring pease to the Middle East. Or a compromise that Senate Democrats and Republicans can all be happy with. Or perhaps even the precise process to get the perfect consistancy of sauce on Kraft Mac and Cheese. But whatever it was, it is now lost to the ages.

On a completely unrelated note, I am digging that new Toby Mac song that I heard on the radio, 'I was made to Love'. And yes, I do feel the haters spittin vapors on my dreams.

So these odd jottings have brought to mind something from years ago. I have a friend at church... Well, he is a friend now. Years ago when this happened, he was just an aquantance. This was probably 3 or 4 years ago, I would wager. This person, whose face I knew, but whose name I did not, handed me a half sheet of paper after service one Sunday. On this sheet of paper was a couple paragraphs. Just idle thoughts, ramblings, and reflections on God. Looking back, I realize now that he was dead-tree blogging. That is a thought that boggles my mind I don't think I ever told him how much I enjoyed reading those. I think I only saw two. I must remember to let him know that I recall those the next time I see him. I cannot remeber the content of either of them, but I do remember the sentiment. And it also helped me learn his name (I am notoriously bad with names, and this was a time when I could only name a little more than a half dozen people in the church, and I was related to most of them).

It was called Java with Jeff, I do beleive. Or something to that effect.

Looks like it's going to be a hard night's day.

Three hours sleep. Bad, bad thoughts running through my head before sleep blessfully came. The dog was trying to take my spot on the bed. And I get bad news from work even before I'm out of the shower.

On top of that, I think I need to make an appointment for a check-up. It's probably nothing, but for the past week, I've had this on-again-off-again pain in my chest, in the upper left. At first I thought it was just a pulled muscle, but it keeps recurring. And worse, I tend to notice it most when I'm under stress or hyped up on caffiene. I'm only 33. I'm too young to have heart problems.

On a lighter note: Observations on the bus ride in today-
Is there a less photogenic business owner on the face of the planet than Denny Hecker? Not that he is particularly ugly, but I just saw a picture of him on the side of the bus. The picture looks like one a photojournalist would have taken about 3 seconds after informing him that he is facing a Grand Jury indicment.

Also seen on the side of a bus: the text read "Toddlers are not born, they are raised." It was an ad for center providing resources for child care providers. The picture was a closeup on the face of a two or three year old girl. And she had earings on. Not, mind you, the cute clipons that some little girls use to play dressup. These were studs. There is no good reason to pierce a child's ears, or any other part of their body. Ear piercing and makeup are what older girls (like 12 or 13) should argue with their mothers about. If these things are given as toddlers (or even infants), what does the 12 year old girl rebel against? I am afraid of that answer.

Mileposts

So every now and again, each of us comes to a point on the road of life that affords us a veiw over the way that we have come. Nothing special about this point, just a chance to reflect on the distance covered and direction traveled.

So I encountered one of these points today. I filled in running Easy Worship for second service. Ever since High School, even before, I have always been more comfortable on the side lines, usually on the technical side. I suspect this is because, if I am"working", then I don't have to really get involved. But today, I realized that I regretted having to run Easy Worship. Running Easy Worship requires thinking ahead and having the next set of lyrics ready. This prevents getting into the worship at all. And I regretted that. Note: I am still happy to serve. But, I think in the past, service has been an excuse to keep things at arms length. But that is no longer the case.

So, David shared some poetry on his Blog, which has inspired me to write some of my own. For you poetic pleasure (or dis-, as the case may be).

*BTW* I wrote this while driving into work this morning.

Untitled
The tree stood on the hill outside town
Ancient and solitary, it has kept its long vigil
But today it slumps. Old and alone
Once it was brilliant green
But the bitter cold has robbed it of color
Once it was covered in a thick canopy
But the fierce winds have driven its leaves to the ground
Once it stood straight and true
But the heavy snows have forced it to sag and droop
Now it is stark and bleak against the cold steel sky
But this is not the end
When the gray clouds split and blue skies return
When the pale wan sun is restored to its fiery glory
When the snows resolve to water and moisten the thirsty ground
Then slowly
Slowly
Very slowly
Green buds appear

"How do you keep the farmboy on the farm now that he's seen Paris?"

I cannot find the exact reference, but I remember this quote, paraphrased, regarding US servicemen returning home to middle America following World War 2. It came to my mind as I was listening to Sara Groves' "Painting Pictures of Eygpt". It will probably always be a mystery to me how we, as humans, and myself included, can so easily be satisfied returning to a worldly, empty, dreary existience after we have experienced the amazing love, incredible grace, and unbelievable presence of God. How I long to always have a wanderlust to follow after God. How I wish that my feet of stone would never find root in the shifting sands.

I was made for Glory, I was built to last.
God formed this feet to walk golden streets
When this hard life has past.
Say "He's doing well on the other side" if anybody asks
'Cuz I was made for Glory, I was built to last.
- Lost Dogs, from the album Scenic Routes

Blogging - Quick thoughts...

Overall, I like Blogging. Both sides of it actually. I like that I have a place where I spew thoughts that other people can see and comment on. And I like that I have friends who spew their thoughts that I can read and comment on. It opens a window into others lives that I think is really cool. I find that I share things in my blog that I wouldn't bring up in normal conversation, let alone initate contact with someone just to express.

On the other hand, it is only a projection, and a pretty weak one at that. If I'm going through a significant crisis in my life, I'm not going to post it in my blog. And a silent blog could mean a crisis or just an abundance of life.

But overall I appreciate being able to reach out to some friends and just give a gentle shout-out, "Hey, I'm thinking about you". And I think most people could use more of that.

Worst night of sleep EVER.

OK, to be fair, there were some night when we had infants of which I have no memory. I think the mind stops recording memories in those circumstances as a defense mechanism. And by defense, I mean defense of the children; If we as parents remembered the difficulties of dealing with our kids as infants, we would be much less "understanding" of them during their pre-teen and teen years.

But last night was pretty bad. At midnight, when I am usually ready to go to sleep, my darling wife decides that she isn't tired yet and she wants to watch Law & Order. I have a history of being able to sleep through anything short of WW3, so I tell her to go ahead. (The TV, BTW, is in our bedroom.) And to be fair to MDW, she did tell me that if it was bothering me, she would turn it off. And it seemed to work. I fell asleep in about 5 minutes to the story of a philandering theologian who may or may not be responsible for the murder of his wife. The problem is I kept almost waking up, catching snipets of the show and incorperating it in my dream. And I was never conscious enough to understand what was happening to me or to tell my wife that it was bothering me. And then after the show, the dreams continued. Getting up with the alarm was a Herculean effort.

But coffe is a wonderful thing, even if the super-brew at work tastes like tire rubber.

OK, to continue... Sunday night was Big Worship and it was awesome. Really cool time of worship and prayer and just waiting on the Lord. While we were singing I had what I could best describe as a vision. It was just a picyure planted in my head, almost like a dream. I saw two boys. I was one of them. The other boy had something cupped in his hands and hidden, like a boy holding a frag he had just caught. The other boy said to me, "Come here, I want to show you something." I came up close to him and we huddled together. He said "You won't understand this." He opened his hands and in his palm there was a cube. I remeber it very clearly. It looked metallic, and each side of the cube had ridges on it like someone had pressed all four fingers down on it.

I thought this was odd. We are in the middle of a series on spiritual gifts, so I figure that this has something to do with that. I say to myself, "OK, God, it seems you have something you want me to share and communicate with the congregation. If we have a chance later, I'll share this."

We sing some more, than Chris gets up to speak. He starts praying. There is a quiet time and the strangest thing happens. I start getting these words in my head, words of praise and thangsgiving and worship, and I feel the urge to say these words out loud. I didn't. I didn't know where these words were coming from. So I just kept it to myself. It wasn't until several minutes later that I remembered the vision I had earlier, and I realized that that message wasn't for anyone else. That was a message for me.

This was very odd for me. I have felt that, in the past, God has given my wisdom for certain individuals or for the congregation, but I have never felt so clear a message for me personally.

I told this story to our Christ Life group. Now, when God is doing something in your life that you think is really cool, and when you tell others about it and they think it's really cool ... well, that's just *really* cool. They prayed over me. It was awesome.

So much to blog, so little time.

Let's see. Since Wednesday I'm been to worship practice. I think Paula is attempting to make worship practice more like a small group, which I think is a awesome idea. (More on small groups later). The problem is that for each team, there are a couple weeks off with no practice, and no practice means no meeting. Also, I think several memebers of the worship team still see worship practice as just worship practice. In any case, I do like the direction that Paula is moving.

Then, on Friday, Serenity took Rand to Aquire the Fire. I stayed home with the younger boys. David came over and we played on his Xbox360. I'm gonna have to save up my nickels and dimes and get one of those some day. But mainly we had a chance to talk. It was a really good time.

Saturday came and Seren went back to Aquire the Fire for the marathon day. Like 9:00 AM to 9:30 PM. I should have known she wasn't going to make it. Around 1:00 she called me and asked if I would come down to Target Center and swap with her. I agreed, because I am an awesome husband. I was really put out, because I had plans for the day, but God helped me get through all that and I had a really good time.

Sunday came a little too early. I was running sound. Nicki was supposed to deliver the sermon, but she was a little under the weather, so we got Chris instead. The sermon was really good. Returning to the small groups issue, Chris related a story about something that had happened in their small group. It was really cool, and I felt jealous. We had wanted to join their small group, but couldn't; They meet on Thursdays and Worship Practice is on Thursdays, so at least 4 out of 5 Thursdays, one of us is busy. It made me hunger for that kind of fellowship. We have put off joining a particular small group because of Worship + Christ-life + serving for the Marriage Course. Part of me thinks 3 nights a week at Church functions is probablky enough. But this is something that I really need to pray over.

Sunday night was Big Worship. Oh, My. I almosty forgot. This is seperate-Post-Worthy in and of itself. And because of that, and because I'm out of time, I will continue that thought later.

Uh oh, my wife has found the internet. Now I need to watch what I say, er... type.

http://charleboislife.blogspot.com/

So Christ-Life Phase 2 last night made me think of this song. Powerful lyrics.


The Twist by the Swirling Eddies

Hang on, beleive
there's nothing up my sleeve
I've got no magic tricks to save the day
Put down the gun
You're not helping anyone
and I'm not about to run or back away.

Don't walk the fence
then come to my defense
I don't need fair weather kinds of friends around
So watch, and pray
as a traitor's kiss betrays
and rest your feet of clay on shaky ground

And look me in the face, at least what's left of it
Tell me you still love me just a little bit
Oh, nail me down, break the skin
Hard enough to do me in
But don't leave me hanging,
dying and dangling,
Twisting in the wind

Here, Touch my side
Let doubt be crucified
nailed with your wounded pride
to Love's grim altar
Here, Taste my flesh
My bloody humanness
I am no phantom guest;
no skinless martyr.

So taste and feel
There's nothing to conceal.
You always knew the deal was sacrifice
Stand up, Be Strong
When all you've got is gone
I left the light turned on in Paradise

And when the walls cave in
and the curtain's torn asunder
You'll know we're near the end
You'll hear me in the thunder
And when the sun grows dim
This will be your sign and wonder
That soon we'll meet again,
Just like we did last summer.

Here's an odd question. Why is that Jesus is accepted by so many people? I phrased that is a round-a-bout way on purpose. I know that the Holy Spirit prepares the heart of those that God has called to him. But so many people opposed to Christianity in general still accept the life and/or teachings of Jesus of Nazareth.

Some deny the existance of God. Even those that accept that creation had a Creator deny His power, or benevolance, or presence. As for the Holy Spirit, He is largely ignored. The supernatural gifts of the Spirit; healing, speaking in tongues, prophecy; are typically dismissed as the lunatic fringe even by many professing faith in Jesus.

So why do I keep encountering people, online or in writings, that accept Jesus but reject Christ? They argue that He was a great teacher, but misunderstood, and only human. Why do these critic raise their existential cross-hairs on the Father and the Spirit, and not the third member of the Trinity?

Mark chapter 1 makes reference to the fact that the demons knew Jesus. Makes me wonder...

The Soundtrack of my Life - The First 33 Years

Long Distance Love Affair - Sheena Easton
Pity the Child - Chess Cast
Big Man's Hat - Charlie Peacock
Wonderful - Everclear
Tell Her About It - Billy Joel
Oppurtunities - Pet Shop Boys
Bargain - Rez
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morrisette
32 Footsteps - They Might Be Giants
Learning how to Smile - Everclear
The Lust, the Eyes, the Flesh, and the Pride of Life - 77's
My Mind Played a Trick on Me - Charlie Peacock
Bonus Track - Psalm 51 - Charlie Peacock

OK, fine. Enjoy this while you can because it's coming down in a few days.

http://www.myheritage.com

Overheard in the Charlebois household...

(Newsboys "Your Love is Better than Life" is playing while Dad does dishes)
Youngest Child (age 7): "Is he saying that love is better than life?!?"
Middle Child (age 9): "He's talking about the love of God."
YC: "Oh, OK."

God bless children. He certainly blessed us when He gave them to us.

Grrrr. People.

So I taking the bus to work today. For me, that entails about a 15 minutes layover in downtown Minneapolis. Now, there's a guy that I often see on the leg from Mpls to St. Louis Park; he gets off at the same stop that I do and he always has his bike. Even today. In the snow. And -8 degrees Farenheit. We start chatting. He complains that it took him an hour to get to Mpls from Lakeville. "Oh, Lakeville, eh? Which bus do you take?" "The 477." "Really, I thought that started at the Apple Valley Transit Station." "It does, I live several blocks south of the Apple Valley Transit Station, on the other side of the Apple Valley/Lakeville border."

Now I live about a half mile west of the Apple Valley Transit Station. So two complete strangers discover that they live about 2 miles apart and work about a half mile apart, despite the fact that work and home are about 30 miles apart.

But that's not the reason for the above-mentioned Grrrr.

So we're talking and fail to notice that our bus has pulled up until most of the people waiting have already boarded. We jump. I go straight for the bus, while my partner in inattention has to get his bike from the rear of the shelter. Because of this, as I get on the bus, I comment that there is someone coming with a bike. However, as I say this, I look through the windshield and see that he is already placing his bike on the bike rack on the front bumper. The driver apperently thinks I'm being a smart aleck. "You think I can't see that guy. Give me some credit. I mean I'm not blind. etc etc etc." I am not able to explain my situation before my momentum carries me back to a seat. However, when we reach my stop, I make a point to get up by the door a little early so I can explain to the driver that I was only trying to help a fellow rider because I thought he would take longer than he actually did. Her response: "He's a big boy, don't you think he can take care of himself?"

The sentiment behind that statement right there is, in my mind, a major problem in our culture. As a people, we are so proud that the idea, not even that we need help or assistance, but that help is even offered is considered to be an insult to the person's ability or competence. In many cases, we have difficult accepting assistance, and because of that, we hesitate to offer it. Just about everyone wants to help each other out, but few are graciously accepting of that help. I think that this also creates a sense that help others makes the helper superior to the helped. Hence even those that do help others feel that they can't or shouldn't accept help themselves. It's just wrong.

Goal for the Day: Keep Zombie 2Pac from releasing another album.

So yesterday on my way into work, my brain was abuzz with ideas to write in my blog. It was going to be a 3 post day. But then life happened and I got nothing in. Nada, zip, zilch. And then I forgot it. We need a "Brain Blogger". It would just pluck thoughts from my head and post them for the world to see. OK, maybe that would be a bad idea.

One thing that I did remember I wanted to post about is poetry. I was at the gas station yesterday morning and I go up to pay. First I have to pull out my Speed Rewards card. But then, due to the layout of my wallet, I need to flip it around and open the flap before I can remove my cash card. While doing this I idly say "Let me extricate this from it's leathery tomb." For some reason I got the strangest look from the cashier.

My point is that poetry is unique to the human creature. Animals can learn to interpret certain sounds with certain events. You should see our dog jump whenever anyone mentions the word "treat". But they cannot see deeper than that. Humans can reason by analogy. They routinely substitute one thing for another. The words on this page are just glowing electrons on a screen. It is the ability to see meaning in arbitrariness that allows a person to understand it.

Without this iniate ability, we could never understand the purpose of Jesus on Earth. He is the ultimate analogy, in meaning and in truth. He substituted Himself for us. Whenever I stop to think about it, I find it evermore amazing.

WOW, crazy couple of days. Let me start by saying that whole feeding 4000 and then feeding 5000, pretty darn impressive. My wife and I had to feed 40 people on Sunday and it took just about everything we had. I have to give my wife props, she is a wizard in the kitchen. Chicken in Wine Sauce with Mashed Potatoes (thank you, Paula) and carrots. It was very good. It was also very tiring. I arrived at the church at 7:20AM to setup sound. Then I ran sound for both services, stayed for the annual meeting at 12:30, started setting up for the dinner right after the annual meeting, ran all over the south metro getting last minute supplies ("Corkscrew? The church kitchen doesn't have a corkscrew?!?"), served the dinner at 6:00, washed dishes as they came back (thank you, Cathy), served dessert, washed dishes as they came back, they washed 60+ glasses and 40 coffee cups when the class ended at 9:00. We got out of there at about 10:00. I was in the church, serving, for almost 15 hours. Ago ministro, indeed.

And then Charlie was sick, coughing. He woke up in the middle of the night in bad shape. In the morning, he had dry heaves (he hadn't been eating much). There may be worse things than seeing your 7-year-old have the dry heaves, but I don't want to think about them. Luckily, he sleep all morning and was feeling much better by the afternoon.

Oh, and Friday night Rand had his first lock-in with the youth group, although it took place at Welsh Village. We messed up the time, and so I had to drive him down there and he was about 2 hours late, but he got there just in time for his lesson and he got to hang out with Joe all night, so it worked out really well. I was so happy for him. What a blessing!

From time to time I take non sequitur notes during sermons. Usually it's because something the speaker has said has sparked an tangental thought in my head, and I need to get it down in order to pay attention to the sermon again. Usually I take these down on my smartphone. I just found several and wanted to a) share them with the few brave souls that actually read this, and b) get them down in another format so that I can guiltlessly delete them from my phone.


Living in the presense of God - it's bad when at the end of the day you ask yourself 'Where was Jesus today?' . It worse when you stop asking that question.

So I was standing in church, and I saw a woman who looked ... I guess harried is the best word. She needs prayer, I said to mysef. But as I thought about, I realized that she had simply not put on make-up that day. This was unusual for her as this woman is typically made up and dressed very well. However, I thought, who am I to judge? Maybe she didn't want to put on make-up today. Maybe she doesn't need prayer. But the I heard the Holy Spirit say to me "She lives in sinful, fallen world, seperated from the true presence of God. Trust me, she needs prayer. You all do."

The image that many have of God is the idea of a rolled up newspaper ready to whap us upside the head whenever we step out of line. The reality is the only penalty for sin that God enforces is banishment from His presence. All other consquences for sin are natural results of following a less-than-perfect plan.

Community was not invented in the Christian era. Community is built into our psyche. The Jews were a community 4000+ years ago. But that was a community based on family and race. Christian Community was revolutionary because it was not based on family, tribe, geography, nation, or race. Membership is open to (and required by) everyone.

I reached a decision last night. I want to live in TV commercials. Think about it: Everyone in commercials is happy. Or if they aren't happy, they will be within 30 seconds. I want that kind of instant gratification.

And on that note, I will comment that I am very interested in hearing RC Sproul's Renewing Your Mind radio series on eschatology, specifically focusing on the prophecies of Jesus. I will probably be commenting on this over the next few weeks, so if anyone would like to follow along, find the MP3's HERE.

I have a confession to make. My wife has been aware of this for several years, but I think the time has come for my to come clean and announce this to the world, as difficult as it may be.

I like musical soundtracks.

I know, I know. They are usually trite with little to no redeeming musical value, but I like them. And I have a theory about that. Most songs are all about the music or the melody or a particular idea or emotion or peotic turn of phrase. However, some songs actually have a story. And most songs from musicals either contain a story within them or further a greater story. This leads to the theory that I enjoy songs that actually have a story in the lyrics. This is beared out by the fact that I also enjoy ballads.

Unforunately, this only leads me to an even greater admission, one that I wasn't planning to make.

I listen to William Shatner's album.

Not his old one from the 70's. That's garbage. But the new one done with Ben Folds. I also like Jeff Daniels album. I think that these actors are able to put more feeling, more story into their lyrics.

I don't know. I just had to get that off my chest.

Found a funny video on YouTube...



The only complaint I have is about the comments that other viewers have left for this video. I won't link to them, because some of them are off-color. Sufficed to say, it seems pretty evenly split between those how understood it and loved it, or those who hated it, either because they didn't understand or because they thought it was "stupid" and "geeky". My issue has to do with the later group. It seems that there is a cultural pull within our society to attack or critize anything involving higher educational topics or intellectually demanding concepts. Some people assume that anything they don't understand is "stupid". Perhaps it's just a self-defense mechanism. It's easier to smash the monolith with a thigh bone that it is to open the mind to new concepts and accept that there is more to this world than a 6th grade education can supply.

BTW, both my 6th grader and my 4th grader can tell you what the mathmatical constant i is. I'll have to show them this video. I'm sure they will get a kick out of it. In fact, come to think of it, the concept of a blind date will probably be the toughest thing to explain...

HULK SMASH!!!!!
So I found a link to a super hero quiz on some other blogs...
Your results:
You are Hulk
Hulk		80%	You are a wanderer with amazing strength.
Iron Man		65%
Superman		60%
Robin		57%
Spider-Man		50%
Batman		50%
Green Lantern		50%
Supergirl		40%
The Flash		35%
Catwoman		20%
Wonder Woman		10%

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

Phasers have been set to ... Melancholy.

Man! Gray day, and I'm not talking about the weather. I'm just in a funk. And to paraphrase the Good Doctor(1), "Unfunking one's self is not easily done." Worst thing is all the old garbage that comes out of hiding when the mood turns foul.

But this here is the beauty of this forum. The act of typing this out has brought to mind the answer... 1 John 4:4 - "the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." I beleive I have some prayer to attend to.


(1) In this case, Seuss.

The Fateful Compact of 2007

So my wife, bless her heart, has often commented that she would like another child. Me, I don't see what's wrong with the three we have, but she apperently wants another. Recent these comments have increased in frequency. There are a number of significant problems with having another child.

1) We already have 3. Duh.
2) I don't know for certain if my wife's health, both physical and mental, could survive another prenancy.
3) We already have 3 kids.
4) Charlebois children have a tendancy to consume great piles of food, especially during the teen years, which coincides with #5...
5) We already have 3 children.
6) Via surgery, I have removed myself for the available gene pool.
7) Did I mention we already have 3?

However, I am a reasonable man. I know that #6 can be remedied. Also, recent advances in agricultural technology should mean that the farm-growers of Minnesota could probably generate the food to feed one more Charlebois. So, the biggest remaining hurdle is my wife's health. You see, she is a diabetic, and has not taken good care of herself. Hence, the Fateful Compact of 2007. I told my loving wife that if she is can reduce her average bloodsugar level to below 120 (which would be hard to track) and reduce her A1C level to below 7.0 (which would be easy to track), then we can have another child. I think it's fairly safe to say that setting the bar at this level is the equivelant of telling a man in San Diego that all he needs is a pair of trunks and a swim cap to get to Hawaii. However, it's win-win for me. I gives her something to do rather than bemoan the lack of a fourth child, and if she does do it, she will be much healthier, and maybe, just maybe, we can grow old together.

Best birthday party EVER. At least, best early/mid 30's birthday party ever. Nothing elaborate, nothing over-the-top. Just 5-6 couples getting together to eat appetizers and talk. At one point, I just sat back in my chair and took in the sight of all these people whom I truely care about coming together for the event of my birthday, talking and enjoying each other's company. I felt pretty lucky to be where God has placed me. And finish off the night with a nice cut-throat game of Killer Bunnies.

For advertisers, Tivo presents a double-edged sword. For decades, television ratings have come from Nielson which figures out what people are watching by either paying people to keep diaries of what they watch and when, or installing meters on some TVs. However, lack of reporting and small, non-random sample sizes make this system very unreliable. Enter Tivo, that not only records TV programs, but also compiles what programs are watched, recorded, re-watched, fast-forwarded through, and rewound for instant replay. And the Tivo box sends all this information back to Tivo on a daily basis (yup, read the fine print on the user agreement).

So now, the networks can get much more precise data about what people are watching. However, the other side of the blade is that now veiwers can fast-forward through all those wonderfully-revenue-generating ads. But at least the networks can know what commercials are being fast-forwarded through.

What is the result? Well, Hollywood is full of smart people looking to make money. The newest way is product placement. There once was a time when a TV production comapny could get props and sets for free or vastly reduced rate by leveraging the fact that millions of people would see it. For example, I can't tell you how many Cisco IP phones I have seen in TV and movies. I promise you that the Cisco IP phone is not the choice of someone looking for a set prop and trying to save money. Now that commercials are being marginalized, the idea of a company's products being a part of the show, and more than that, being repeated in reruns and DVDs. I was reading today about a company that specializes in matching up comapny looking for advertising and TV/movie scripts awaiting production.

It's funny. 50 years ago, TV shows were sponsored by a single company and the hosts of the show would often pitch the product during the show. Looks like we are moving back to that.

I enjoy downtown. I wish that I could work downtown from time to time. There is a certain energy, a feeling. The shops opening up, the people bustling to work. It's amazing to me that so many people come together to live and work quite literally on top of one another. It's like a modern day Tower of Babel. And yet, these fantasiticlly social creatures seem to have so much trouble just talking to one another. Have you ever tried to engage a stranger in a conversation? 9 times out of 10 you we get a look like you are a leper or an insurance salesman. (BTW I happen to know an insurance salesman and he is quite pleasant. OTOH, he sells senior health insurance, so he has never had the oppurtunity to sell me anything; Perhaps that is why I find him so tolerable.)

Case in point, yesterday, going out to wait for the bus I see a man waiting between the inner and outer doors of our building. I ask if he is waiting for the bus, too. He mumbles something affirmative. I ask if the bus has gone by yet (the bus route takes it past our building around a several others and back before stopping at our building). He mumbles something negative. I take a moment to consider the weather, which is unseasonable warm (incredibly so, as a fact of fact) and decide to wait outside. However, not 20 feet outside the building, I realize that I am going to be trapped in a moving vechicle for the next hour or so and that I should really avail myself of the restroom inside our building. Considering how I appear to this man waiting just inside the door (I ask if he is waiting for the bus, step outside, look up the street, and walk back inside), I mention that I had better hit the bathroom before I go. Based on the expression on his face, I might well have said "I'm off to club baby harp seals" or "I have this rash that won't go away" or, worst of all these days, "I voted for Bush, twice".

Just an odd observation that struck me.

Happy Birthday to me!!! I'm not yet at the point where I dread birthdays. For the most part they seem to be non-events, especially coming on the heels of Christmas and New Year's. But what struck me this year is what I mentioned a couple of posts ago. I'm 33 years old now. That is the age at which Jesus was crucified, most likely. I think my personal theme for this year is "What does God want from me?". This is probably a question that should be in the forefront in any Christian's life. But today, I'm making that a priority. I'll update this blog with how that is going.

On a completely unrelated note... I was watching the Colbert Report last night. Steve Colbert usually has a guest on and I usually feel sorry for the guest, because Colbert askes such innane questions and basically redicules them throughout the interview. However, last night, he had Depak Chopra on. Like I said, I usually feel sorry for the guest, but in this case, I don't think Colbert could have gone far enough. This man is a deciever, plain and simply. He sounds so attractive; "Everything around you is a projection of yourself. You create your reality." And get this, he even said that you create your afterlife. You choose Heaven or Hell. And more than that, he said Heaven is a downgrade and Hell is an upgrade. In my mind, a serial murderer is less dangerous than this man. At least a murderer can only destroy your body.

Top 8 things of 2006

Well, I, for one, am glad to see 2006 firmly in the rearview mirror. I probably shouldn't get into the worst of 2006 in this forum, so let me just sum up the best of '06, so the rest can be thrown far, far away.

1) My wife going through Christlife - I don't know if this happened late '05 or early '06. But it did change her life, and, by extension, change mine. So much so that I went through the course later in the year. It didn't have quite the impact on me that it did on her, but it was a very good and very powerful experience.

2) Involvement at Church - I have been specding alot of time at the Church this year. In addition to Christlife, my wife and I went through a marriage course and I am now regularly running the sound board for sunday mornings (twice a month). I know God has a plan for me, and I know that he has given me gifts to use in that plan, but I haven't figured what that is yet. So, until I do, I will just help out wherever, whenever, and however I can.

3) My wife's health - Ankles aside, my wife's health has been improving all year. She now has long (for her, it's shoulder-length) healthy hair and she looks great. She is taking her meds and taking her insulin and it's wonderful. Now if only that high-ankle sprain would heal...

4) Good friends - This year also sees a "changing of the gaurd" in terms of who we spend our time with. The group that we usually hang out with won't be around anymore (for reason that touch on the "Worst of '06" list). However, we have new friends to share our time with; David and Paula, Jeff and Amy, Chad and Linda, Phil and Michelle. We still have Teri Sue and hope to see her fiancee, Mathew, back this year (maybe). The best things is, not only are these good friends, they are good people and fellow believers.

5) Rand in Middle School - Our eldest is now a middle-schooler. That is pretty freaky when I stop to think about it. He is in the youth group (well, the JV youth group it seems, but he is involved). And he is getting into alot of activities. He was in the fall musical and in the math club. He will be representing his school at the state-wide Vocabulary Bee. He is a smart cookie.

6) Mat is Middle School ?!? - Our middle child continues to amaze and confound. His teacher this year has determined that she cannot teach him math; She has nothing for him to learn. Therefore, she has arranged for him to test out of 4th grade and 5th grade math. He is now attending math class in the middle school with 6th graders. Next year I hope to get him accepted to an accelerated program for junior-high and high-school students at the U. He also continues to be a reading machine. And he also continues to be the pickiest eater on earth.

7) Charlie's Gang - Charlie seems even more social than usual this year. His first grade teacher tells us that he is friends with every single person in the class. This is an improvement from our point-of-view; Up until now, it seems that Charlie only made friends with girls. Scarcely a day goes by that Charlie does not ask to call someone or go to someone's house. His current best friend is Rachel, a little girl that lives around the corner. She is in his class. Also, Charlie and Mat go to Awana with another family in the neighborhood every Wednesday. This other family attend a church in Brooklyn Park, so it is quite a hike. But the other family drives and the kids really enjoy it.

8) Sales: The Dark Side of the Force - I also found myself in my first sales position. I am a Sales Engineer, doing pre-sales design work and presentations. But I am very much in the middle of the "sales process" and I have to work with sales people all day. It's not as bad as I feared; some of the sales people are really quite tolerable.

I tried to come up with an even 10, but I just couldn't manage it. Oh, well. Here's to find 10 notable positive things in '07, right?